I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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