im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
