when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
