Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
