Already got asked if we're dating
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
