I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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