She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
