Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
