She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
