Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
