I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
