just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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