i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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