tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
