Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
