you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
