I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
