New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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