i may or may not be watching the land before time
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
