:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
