vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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