last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
