life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
