Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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