How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
