At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
