We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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