This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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