you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
