You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
