May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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