I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
