There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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