dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
