I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
