go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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