dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
