I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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