Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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