I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
