Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
