he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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