Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
