Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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