it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
