When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
