You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
