he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
