Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
