I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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