I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
