I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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