apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
did you just send me my own nude
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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