At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
