I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
