Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
