new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was born a porn star she said
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
