I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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