chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
