Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
