Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
